Relax, stop trying to micromanage everything. Just be steadfast and fully conscious

The first part of this practice point might seem contradictory since, in a way, we want to be aware of every facet of our life and assess what needs attention. So, we are not addressing a healthy appraisal of ourselves on an ongoing basis, this is about bringing awareness to the way in which we are driven to control life in a negative sense.

 

A tight-fisted controlling intent is usually borne out of fear and anxiety, which can relate to many things like insecurity, fear of loss, fear of not enough, of financial insecurity and so on. There’s almost no end to the ways in which we can experience fear in modern life, and consequently be driven to control the circumstances around it resulting in a life that is devoid of peace and calm, always on edge and worrying about things that are ultimately inconsequential.

 

I’m not a fearful person myself, I’m not scared to do anything in my life, undertake endeavours, leave a job, switch careers, travel the world, to visit places considered less than safe. However, in my late twenties, I became aware of this subtle background of fear that was almost always present in regards to mostly insignificant daily activities and decisions.

 

When I started practicing awareness and meditating, this subtle background fear became even clearer. It was this weird lack of confidence about completely trivial choices I might have to make throughout the day, just a tiny flutter of unpleasant feeling in my gut that would inform my choice however mundane.

 

I’m reminded of the original Dune science fiction movie from 1984. There’s a scene where the Bene Gesserit sisters (a powerful social, religious, and political force in the Dune universe) carry out a fear test on Paul Atreides, the story's hero. The test’s purpose is to see if your mind is more human than animal in the sense that, through the power of self conscious will, you resist the impulse to pull your hand out of the box where it is placed to undergo an ordeal of excruciating pain.

 

Dune movie (1984) - ‘The Litany Against Fear’

 

The Bene Gesserit that is controlling the test utters the ‘Litany Against Fear’ part of which is ‘Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear’. Fear also features in the original Star Wars movie which is really about the Hero’s Journey, and the Jedi’s destiny of confronting their fear before they can become a fully realised Jedi.

 

These themes feature all through pop culture and story telling and it’s a fundamental aspect of the human journey, to rise above fear. We act from our conscience to be something more than our impulses and base desires. I also believe that the human journey is about serving humanity, if we are driven by our fears, then it is very hard to be of use to others. To be truly free, we must face our fears, we must come to know them and come to see how they condition us.

 

Whatever fears are driving our need to control, we can start to unravel it by shining the light of awareness on it. We turn towards it and face it fully. All of practice is about being present in our experience and coming to see what powers the motivations for the things we do. Why are we so tightly controlling with money, or family members, our partner, our career, how we appear to others and so on.

 

When we apply awareness to the moments when we express this behaviour, we see the tightness and can start letting go. We begin to trust in ourselves to navigate life with a loose hand, we relax and start to feel peace of mind, flowing with life instead of trying to wring its neck.

 

Part of the reason for the formulation of this practice point is because I noticed how often I’m trying to tweak my conditions to keep my mind in a pleasant state, as opposed to a positive one. This might include playing a particular music track at a particular point in time, getting a bit on the impulsive side about tidiness and cleaning, feeling fraught after buying an item of clothing, ‘should I have bought the other one?’.

 

All these sort of trivial life moments take a lot of energy and are completely at odds with the fact that life is not controllable on the micro level. Trying to tightly manage it in this way is not only a fraught exercise but it is unsustainable and denies the fact that our mind’s condition will always be changing. You can’t keep it permanently in the pink fluffy cloud zone, which isn’t a positive condition anyway.

 

The far more positive experience is to be at peace and present with how life unfolds, no matter what it is, and only exert energy where appropriate. Being free is about not attempting to constantly control yourself, but surfing the wave of life and being less conditioned by every little change in our mental continuum, including the external world. I now notice when I’m trying to tweak my experience and immediately let go. When this happens, I come back into relationship with the present moment and relax and enjoy just being here, being alive.

 

As I formulated this practice point, I quite naturally felt that the juxtaposition to this impulse to micromanage my life is steadfastness, ‘Firm in purpose, unwavering, as resolution, confidence in oneself and/or position. Resolutely or dutifully firm (loyal). A person who calmly holds firm to the chosen position and follows through with determination’.

 

In this impulse to micromanage one’s life, there’s a lack of self confidence, of centre. We aren’t fully conscious of our being and practicing being present to just what is. If we stay connected to ourselves and our values, this replaces a need to be constantly reassuring ourselves through pleasantness and mental surety.

 

We need to trust ourselves more, become more connected to our sense of self, not only our strengths, but know our weaknesses as well, the whole gamut. Once we accept it all, we don’t need to cover over and repress the bits we don’t like with superficial pleasant feelings and create a false persona.

 

Steadfastness is about reliability and solidity, for ourselves and for others. It’s about being less conditioned by the world and our wayward thinking and feelings. Most of what is happening in our lives really is inconsequential if we’re completely honest with ourselves, even the so-called big stuff.

 

When we have a solid sense of ourselves and what we value, what we stand for, we can traverse all this with great equanimity, and in that we become a rock for others. There’s very little life can throw at us that upsets us, we don’t get caught up in drama and meaningless activity.

 

Cultivating this sense of steadiness is something that comes with all of our practices over time, it will continue to emerge as we begin to grow and change, to come more fully into ourselves and our potential. It will inform our being and communicate a new forthrightness of character, a dependability that deepens our confidence, self esteem and engenders trust in others. It allows the freedom to choose our own path as we trust ourselves to be able to deal with whatever situations arise, that we’ll have the resources to prevail and take up the next challenge!